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it hit me

So last week I messed up my car and to fix it its going to cost a pretty penny. I’ve decided not to let that upset me, I’ve been trying really hard but unfortunately it hit me hard on Saturday night. I was sitting calmly when all of a sudden it hit me that I would have no car, that I wouldn’t be able to up and go as I pleased. Just the thought of being confined to my house at the mercy of whoever wanted to give me a ride made me tear up, the tears just kept coming and finally I started to cry really loud, I felt like a baby but I couldn’t stop. I guess the combination of all that has occurred in my life the past 7 months and then this, just made me break down. I got up and went to my room and cried into the pillow. At the same moment my mother came in and asked if I was ok I just couldn’t stop the crying. She kept trying to console me but that always seems to make things worst for me. I got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, I turned and there was my mother following me and asking if she could get me something to make me feel better. You could imagine what a scene this was I was walking from room to room trying to get away from my mom as my mother tried to console me. Finally after about a few minutes of this and trying to keep my emotion get the best of me, I turned and told my mom to leave me alone. Actually I shouted at her and yes I felt worst about it. I got into the shower and took the longest shower of life. When I got out I cried some more and then it hit me, why the hell am i crying?? I wiped my tears and decided not to cry anymore, I had cried myself out and I was done.