alone, blame, creating, crying, dating, days, energy, guy, heal, him, history, hours, learned, Looking back, love, months, myself, people, plotting revenge, read books, relationship, self, surrounded, The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks, truly happy, woman
So for the past few months I’ve been dating this guy, we have a lot of history together and all though that could sometimes be a little bad its been working for us lately. I thought that after being so heartbroken I could never bring my self to love again. It was hard at first because I was so guarded but I slowly let the true me emerge. Don’t get me wrong i still am a bit guarded and there are days I wake up and I feel a certain type of way. Looking back I’m happy I didn’t jump from one relationship to another. I know sometimes we tend to do that so we could heal or forget but all that isn’t really healing its pushing aside the things that we don’t want to confront. I spent many days crying my little eyes out, many days analyzing and over analyzing the things that went wrong and what I could have done differently, plotting my revenge (which I totally got all gory with) but never really put them into action, many hours blaming myself then blaming him. I read books, lots and lots of them. I remember the very first book I picked up was The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks. I think every married or divorced woman should read. I focused on doing things that would make me smile, I focused on being a better mother. I spend many days alone and many surrounded by people who believed in me, people that I could feed off of their great energy. So the point is that I focused on me, on creating a woman who would be happy with herself, because if I learned anything from all of this is that you can’t make someone truly happy if you don’t feel good about yourself, if you don’t truly love yourself.