More Effort

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bad, before I knew it, better, crazy, days, didnt like, dragging my feet, effortlessly, everyday, frowning, get up, good, great day, happy, hardest, lazy, lazy mode, learned, mirror, older, positive, produce, smile, sound, spirits, stared, today, turn, woken up, you'

Some morning I wake up and I feel like I’m just walking on cloud 9. Everything comes effortlessly, I feel that little extra pep in my step but then there are mornings where I get up and I’m just dragging my feet. Lazy mode kicks in and I feel so blah but these are the days one must try the hardest to be happy. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized only we can produce a good day, only we can turn a bad day into a good . Some day require more effort than others.

Today I woke up and had that feeling but I decided not to let it get to me, I look ed at myself in the mirror and stared for a little while, I didn’t like the way I was frowning at myself, now this is going to sound crazy but I smiled at myself and said today will be a great day. And so I went about my morning and before I knew I was in better spirits than I had woken up with.

 

Changing love

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allowed, boy, changing love, chaning, date, daughter, exact, eyes, father of my kids, felt bad, friends, growing up, grown, hell, love, mom, mother, my mother, older, remember, ruin, school, spitting, standing, stoker, talk, words, years, younger

My teen daughter has this little crush on a boy and he has a crush on her too, they were friends and decided to finally tell each other that they like one another, she isn’t allowed to date yet but she’s allowed to like a boy and talk to him. I have eyes and ears at the school so I’ll find out if she starts to “date” anyone (I know that sounds a little stoker mom but it is what it is)  They have been texting each other non stop. Nothing out of this world, just little kid stuff. Well last night it went up a notch, she told me that he texted her that he loved her. I almost had a heart attack, I turned to her and said, “what the hell do you guys know about love?” At that very moment I felt like I had gone back in time. I remember telling my mom about the father of my kids about how I loved him and he loved me, I remembered my mother standing the same exact way and spitting out the same exact words. I knew I loved him but now that I’m older I grown to know that Ive loved the same person in many different ways and for many different reasons all which have changed over time. Its a constant love but a changing one. I felt bad about saying what I said and this being the first boy that she likes and he likes her back of course it will feel like love. She tell me how she has butterflies, and thinks about him often, she even told me she feels like she’s floating. I remember having all those emotions and I didn’t know what other explanation to give than I was in love but little did I know it was puppy love. That the reason why I thought I loved that person would soon change. I’m planning to talk to her tonight and explain to her a few things about love but I don’t want to ruin the feeling because its part of being a girl of growing up.

For what it really is

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change, depict, experiences, life, love, loving someone, me, older, point, quote, through the years, trail and error, what love means, wisdom, years, young

The older I get the more I see love for what it really is, I understand it better, I know exactly what it means to me. I know the way you feel about  love changes through experiences, through trial and error, through wisdom gained through the years. I’ve read many things about love but I found this one quote that totally depicted what love means to me at this point in my life.

Here I am again

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back, close eyes, different, dimension, eyes, fend for themselves, friendlier, genuine, Georgia, hear, here, Here I am again, live here, Miami, move, nature, nicer, older, people, river, running, scenery, smell, struggling, Tennessee, thouhgt, two days

I got back from my trip Saturday night, I’ve been trying to re-adjust to reality for the past two-day. Here I am again struggling to make it to the next day. Being away from Miami has been the best experience of my life. Being away from it all made me realize that Miami is not my home, I don’t belong here, the life here is not what I want for myself and my children. I visited GA and Tennessee and it opened my eyes. People are so much different, nicer, friendlier, genuine! every single person I encountered after from the state line on was so nice I almost felt like I was in a different dimension. I loved being in touch with nature. We spend most of our time outdoors doing things and it felt great. I thought about a lot of things and although the bugs drove me crazy from time to time, the smell of nature and the scenery was very peaceful. I loved every minute of it. Every now and then I close my eyes and can still hear the water running down the river. From this trip I’ve decided I want to move to another state as soon as my children are able to fend for themselves.

Back to 1992

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1992, common, girly things, lalaloopsy, little pony, mutant ninja turtles, NC, older, oldest, shows, spring break, teenage mutant ninja turtles, TMNT, with me, young one

So my oldest left on vacation for the entire week spring break to NC. I’m so excited for her adventure.This is the first time she sees snow!!

It’s only been my little one and I the past 3 days and god do I miss my oldest. We spend a lot of time together, with her I could have conversations that don’t included my Little Pony or Lalaloopsy. She actually likes to watch the same intellectual shows I do. My little one is still small so I know the older she gets the more I’ll have things we BOTH enjoy to watch together but for this week I’m going back to 1992 LOL. Ive been playing with dolls and watching lots of girly things, she also picked up obsessing over Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which by the way I love!!

 

Like Wine

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bettre, body, clothes, confident, like wine, list, not self absorbed, older, skin, surgery, Things, wine, women, wrong, younger

When I was younger I wanted to be old and now that I’m old I want to be young again but with the type of confidence I have now. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not self absorbed but the older I get the more confident I feel about myself, my body, and  the clothes I wear. There’s still a few things I would change with some surgery but the list has gone significantly down. I never thought I would get to feel like this. I always had older people that told me that some women usually get better as they age but I never really believed them. It like growing into your skin. I guess it has to do with growing up and finally knowing what you want!

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

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ABC, as a kid, bad, Charlie Brown, charlie brown christmas, christmas, giddy, girls, holidays, kid, little, love, older, snoopy, tree, tv, watch

Today on ABC they will be showing A  Charlie Brown Christmas, my uncle has arranged for us to come over and watch it together, I can’t say how thrilled I am to see it. As a kid I watched it so many times but every time I watch it I still get all giddy inside. It reminds me of all the times I watched it as a kid. I’m glad they still play it on T.V and that I could enjoy it with my girls, I hope that when I’m older I still get to watch it during the holidays!

Favorite Quote: I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.

Perspective

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car accident, cars, died, happy, life, loved ones, older, own, perspective, prayers, read, recovery, sad, socuial media, think, vacation, young

Yesterday as I was on line during my early morning internet fix I started to read a post by a social media friend and I just couldn’t believe what I was reading. ;( Two acquaintances that I went to school with as a kid had gotten in to a terrible car accident while on vacation one died and the other is in critical condition. I didn’t really talk to them but a few times as a kid and never as an adult but we were friends on social media. It made me sad to think that such a young man’s life was cut short just like that.

Of course as anytime you hear about any life cut short it puts your own life into perspective, you start to dissect your life and how you live it. Sometimes we get caught up in meaningless things and just don’t do the things that make us happy or don’t make the the time to spend time with loved ones. My mother used to tell me that death doesn’t discriminate and the older I get the more I understand this. I try to do different things, spend a little time with those I love and I’m currently working on doing things that make me happy even if its just sitting around reading a book. Tomorrow is never promised so make today count.

Footnote: My heart and prayer go out to the families of the young ones affected by this tragedy, I hope the person who is in critical condition recovers soon. He still has a lot of things to accomplish in life.

When it gets in the way

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attention, conversation, couldnt believe, did it, explain, mad, office, older, people, phone, required, smart, text, walked out, younger

Technology is a lovely thing, all these smart phone we carry our whole life around. They become part of us and  with the endless amount of apps it can help us do just about anything. I’m guilty of being a person that can’t put down my phone but I have gotten better at it. I’ve learned to put it down when I’m having a conversation with others, I like to give the person on the other side of the conversation my undivided attention. I think its rude not to. I thought it was younger generation’s problem and that older people were wiser than that but yesterday that went down the window. In my line of work there is times when I review things with patients, its important things so I expect people to listen attentively. That wasn’t the case yesterday, a new kind of rude slapped me in my face and this time it involved technology. I was explaining something highly beneficiary to a patient and her husband. Right in the middle of my explanation the husband whips out his phone and starts to text, I’m thinking “OK it might be important”, NOPE!!! He then handed her the phone and she began to read, nodded her head and proceeded to text a response. All while I was talking. It made me so mad. I wish that I could have told them something but instead I just stopped in the middle of my sentence and sat back waited for them to give me the attention that was required. It didn’t stop there I thought they would have gotten the point but they did it two more times and each time I caught them I stopped. They left my office and didn’t even apologize.

Your kids will do it to you

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car, children, daughter, kid, mad, morning, mother, older, parenting, school, sister, teenager, upset, yesterday, young

I have a close to teenage daughter and she I times I see so much of me in her. She is so stubborn and hold grudges. Last night we got into a bit of a disagreement and it was really bad all over her little sister. She woke up this morning still mad at me over something she had done. I got into the car and instead of sitting in the front seat she just sat in the back seat and didn’t even say one word to me. If I would have ever done that t my mother she would have just slapped the living shit out of me, but since I am not my mother I choose to ignore the fact that she was still mad. Right before getting to work, where her bus picks her up, i called her out on her behavior and she told me she wasn’t mad so i left it art that when i still knew she was upset. As a mother it’s so frustrating when a child responds that way but when I look back as a kid I was like that too most of the time I kept things bottled up and never really spoke my mind. My mother would tell me that when I was older and had children my children would do it to me and I would feel the way she did. Lo and behold it’s happening now!! Now I wish I wasn’t like that with my mom!